Truth / Addiction

-TS Bradshaw

I have an addictive personality (truth).

I think about this a lot. I’ve made lists before. I’m addicted to:

Weed, sex, nicotine, Grindr, attention, caffeine…to name a few.

What habits and routines am I trying to change?

I say I want to be less addicted to weed.

I didn’t smoke (weed) today (yet) though I am ready to go to the dispensary after this. Premeditated.

How much time did I spend on Grindr and the other stupid little apps today?

I’m addicted to The Chase.

How many times have I fished for an invite just to back out once I got that little stroke of validation?

Why is my addiction to The Chase so focused on emotionally unavailable men? I want their attention more than most things. He told me he’s sad and doesn’t want to talk and how badly I just want to say let’s be sad together.

Let’s be sad together.

Where is my self-respect and self-worth? Does it always have to be at odds with my addiction to the attention of emotionally unavailable men?